It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
