my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
