Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
