my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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