she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
