You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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