I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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