look no pants
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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