Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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