She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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