i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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