I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
