I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
