I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
