I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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