that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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