I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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