We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
