problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
