we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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