Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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