Christians are straight up FREAKS
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
