He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
