it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
