I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
