I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
