Quick, to the slutcave!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
