mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
