some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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