New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
