Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
