I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
