guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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