think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
