White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
