Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
