Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
