Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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