This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
