I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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