i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
