He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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