Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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