Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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