i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
