Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
