i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
