"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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