Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
