Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
