I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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