Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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