Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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