I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
